All my life I’ve been afraid.
I was afraid of the dark. I was afraid of disappointing my parents. I was afraid of the kids in my school, and afraid of what my teachers thought of me.
I was afraid of the future. I was afraid of my actions leading to trouble.
I was afraid to be me.
For most of my life I was afraid. For most of my life I didn’t take chances, or make certain choices because I was afraid what would happen.
I stayed safe. I went unnoticed and I was okay with that. Going unnoticed meant I wasn’t doing anything that would call for punishment.
Now, don’t take all of this as I had a terrible childhood. I wasn’t abused or neglected. Heck, I had a great childhood with wonderful parents who did all they could to see me succeed in this world. I was lucky, I know that. But, with all the support I had and love I had… I was still afraid.
I was mostly afraid of what people would think of me, if I was wanting to be myself.
The closest thing I had to being able to show myself was writing. I could create situations I would not be judged in. I would make my characters do things that might not have been considered the social norm. They didn’t get judge. They were not afraid.
That’s when I realized that I needed to change how I was.
There was a world around me to explore and chances I could take that would either end well or not so well.
The world had no right to judge me… because it knew nothing about me.
It took 24 years and a quarter life crisis to make me realize that everything I had been afraid of was made up in my own mind. My scum-bag brain had created situations that never would happen. The voices I believed were from those around me, was my own.
As soon as I realized that, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. The world opened up to me, and hell… for a moment it made me feel unstoppable.
I want to publish a book now more than I ever had before, because that’s what I want to do. I don’t want to be afraid any more.
All I want to fear from this day forward is fear itself.
…Let’s see how I do… XD