According to Google:
Impostor syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence.
This ^ is how I have been feeling over the past two weeks, which is why I haven’t been posting.
I love to write, it is what I do but I can’t fight the feeling that I am this imposter playing writer and not actually a writer…
When I review my work or take a moment to read another authors book, I can’t help to have thoughts of doubt. These nasty questions fill my head, beating me down and make me believe that what I have worked so hard for is nothing but a mediocre attempt at something I’m not.
Who would read your book? Why do you think they’d like this? You’re not a writer. Not a real writer. Your writing is crap. Your story is crap. You Are Crap!
These thoughts keep me up at night. These thoughts haunt me during the day. Mix these negative thoughts with anxiety and you get mini panic attacks whenever you think of actually publishing something.
No one’s going to buy it. Why are you even doing this? No one’s going to like it. Stop when you’re ahead.
I try to counter these thoughts and feelings with proof and try to boost my confidence with facts. I wrote 200 pages and over 77000 words. I have created a world that I love and I want to share. I brought to life characters that are funny and hopefully down-to-earth. I can’t go a day without writing. I can’t do a day without planning a story. I can’t go anywhere without getting an idea. I’m a writer.
When my confidence is up and I feel better again, then the imposter syndrome returns with a counter.
No, you’re not. J.K Rowling never talked about being an imposter. Tolkin never said he felt like this when writing. Steven Brust is an amazing writer and knows it; he never’s written how he’s felt like an imposter.
You are feeling like this because you’re not a real writer. You feel like this because deep down you know you aren’t a writer. Just give up. No one will care.
These were my thoughts for a week. Haunting my mind and killing my confidence in my writing… I started believing they were true and thinking that I could just not publish but then I saw this quote:
This quote shut those voices up. I’m not confident in my writing. Sharing my writing with strangers scares the crap out of me, not because I’m not good enough but for the reason that I’m sharing a piece of me. I’m sharing a world I love, that I’m giving to this world to pick apart. I’m sharing characters I gave life, for this world to judge and analyse. I’m sharing a story that may cause arguments, or discussion with people who don’t agree with what I’ve written.
I know now, I’m not an imposter.
I can write.
I do write.
I will keep writing even if it scares me to death because I love to write.
November 21, 2015 at 7:35 pm
Very well said. 🙂
I not only hear the same thoughts in my head, I also hear them coming from my mouth. “No one’s going to read my book. No one cares. Why am I even still writing?” Actually, a new thought that joined in with the others just this week is, “Do you notice how everyone you’ve sent a copy of your novel to hasn’t talked to you since?” That one’s actually true and I don’t believe in coincidence, so I don’t know what to make of it.
Anyway, while the voices don’t stop, I keep writing. I seem to have gotten it into me somehow that the point of writing isn’t to get published, sell books, or make money. That’s the business of writing. The point of writing is to tell a story, even if you’re the only one experiencing the story being told. Put simply:
A writer writes.
A creator creates.
An artist… arts.
I don’t know where I was going with that, but the main idea here is that writing is about you. The characters are in you. The stories are in you. The magic is in you. When you write, you get that out into the world and maybe get an opportunity to share that same experience with others. But if you don’t, it’s not a big deal, because it’s your experience, and as long as you can appreciate it, then all of that other business doesn’t matter.
Personally speaking, I don’t write for sales or money or fame. I write to write. And that’s all.
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November 21, 2015 at 8:01 pm
I write to write as well. I would be happy not publishing my works. Honestly I’m going to be selling my book for 99 cents or less when I’ve got it done because money isn’t what I’m writing for. I want to share this story because I want to share it with others… I want others to enjoy the world I’ve created as much as I have. Unfortunately the people you tell about being a writer think you’re in it to be the next JK or Hunger Games… but authors write to share…
It is better to write for oneself than write for those around you. If you are happy with it, than someone out there with a similar like mind will like it to. Writing builds community and interest. Writing challenges and changes. Writing is what helps the world move forward.
I loved reading your comment and it is comforting to think there is at least someone else out there feeling the same way. It is sad that not every writer talks about the hardships of writing, and only shares the high points. That way, at least I believe, those who listen to those thoughts in their head saying ‘don’t do it’ will realize that this is just a part of the process and stick with it.
I’m happy to hear you write to write. Keep with it and some door will open with the opportunity you are searching for. 🙂
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November 22, 2015 at 1:03 pm
I felt that way for years….and still do, on and off. Oddly enough it was starting to edit other’s works as well as write that has moved me further towards believing in myself as a writer -since it meant I understood the process and could explain it – but I still have my doubts. It also helps to fully understand why you write: some people, I think, really want to create the next best-seller and that’s their motive. I write to create a world and explore ‘what-ifs’ and it’s as much for me as for anyone else; I’m happy when someone else shares it but it’s not truly necessary.
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November 22, 2015 at 6:40 pm
I’m glad that you were able to push those thoughts aside! I know I struggled with the same for many years, but eventually learned to believe in myself and recognize that my talent is unique, that everyone writes their own way for their own reasons. It’s part of the beauty of the art form. Believe in yourself. Be true to yourself. And be brave enough to share it with others. That is where the true test of courage is. Can we be strong enough to share that piece of ourselves with the world? I hope that your love for writing stays strong and keeps you inspired and that you never stop believing in your talent and your passion 🙂
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