According to Google:

Impostor syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence.

This ^ is how I have been feeling over the past two weeks, which is why I haven’t been posting.

I love to write, it is what I do but I can’t fight the feeling that I am this imposter playing writer and not actually a writer…

When I review my work or take a moment to read another authors book, I can’t help to have thoughts of doubt. These nasty questions fill my head, beating me down and make me believe that what I have worked so hard for is nothing but a mediocre attempt at something I’m not.

Who would read your book? Why do you think they’d like this? You’re not a writer. Not a real writer. Your writing is crap. Your story is crap. You Are Crap!

These thoughts keep me up at night. These thoughts haunt me during the day. Mix these negative thoughts with anxiety and you get mini panic attacks whenever you think of actually publishing something.

No one’s going to buy it. Why are you even doing this? No one’s going to like it. Stop when you’re ahead.

I try to counter these thoughts and feelings with proof and try to boost my confidence with facts. I wrote 200 pages and over 77000 words. I have created a world that I love and I want to share. I brought to life characters that are funny and hopefully down-to-earth. I can’t go a day without writing. I can’t do a day without planning a story. I can’t go anywhere without getting an idea. I’m a writer.

When my confidence is up and I feel better again, then the imposter syndrome returns with a counter.

No, you’re not. J.K Rowling never talked about being an imposter. Tolkin never said he felt like this when writing. Steven Brust is an amazing writer and knows it; he never’s written how he’s felt like an imposter.

You are feeling like this because you’re not a real writer. You feel like this because deep down you know you aren’t a writer. Just give up. No one will care

These were my thoughts for a week. Haunting my mind and killing my confidence in my writing… I started believing they were true and thinking that I could just not publish but then I saw this quote:

afraid

This quote shut those voices up. I’m not confident in my writing. Sharing my writing with strangers scares the crap out of me, not because I’m not good enough but for the reason that I’m sharing a piece of me. I’m sharing a world I love, that I’m giving to this world to pick apart. I’m sharing characters I gave life, for this world to judge and analyse. I’m sharing a story that may cause arguments, or discussion with people who don’t agree with what I’ve written.

I know now, I’m not an imposter.

I can write.

I do write.

I will keep writing even if it scares me to death because I love to write.