Search

Prophecy Six Blog

Sharing My Unedited Writing Experiences & Life Experiences.

Tag

rant

Trying to get out of a writing funk…

So… yeah… I haven’t stuck to the promise I made to post more. I know… I’m terrible… but life happens and sometimes you get pulled away from what you want to do to deal with what you need to do.

The last year has been one of those years where the second I want to do something another thing has gotten in the way. First it was moving into a new place, then I got two new kittens (which if you ever tried writing with kittens it is a challenge), and then I started a new job that took my focus away from what I wanted to do when I got home. In summary – being an adult sucks and don’t ever grow up. XD

But, in all seriousness I also was suffering from a lacking desire to write. For the longest time I had used writing as an escape, something I did for fun… but after writing two books and focusing so much on sales I realized that my passion was turning into another job. For some that is great. Becoming a writer that just does that for their job is a lot of peoples goals, but as I was working towards that goal that I thought I wanted I realized it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. I burned out and that little fire that I had turned into coals.

It has been almost a year since I seriously wrote something on here. It has been even longer since I started working on a story or planning out a book. I have book three planned out and it will be written… but it has taken some time to find the motivation to do so. I don’t know when I will post next. I have all these ideas and plans but it is the matter of motivation that gets in the way. The only reason I’m writing this now is more out of trying to get what I’ve been feeling out than anything else.

Anyways, that’s enough rambling for today. I think I’ll leave you all to your weekends. 🙂

Toodles for now.

Change in Transit

I misjudged how long it was going to take me to get to work this morning.

Normally I take two buses. One from my house and another from one of the stops my first and second bus pass to get downtown. This morning ran a little differently.

Normally it takes me an hour and a half to get to work by bus. So, I thought if I had to get to work for 8:30 and wanted to give myself enough time to go get a coffee before hand I would have to leave the house by 6:30.

That’s when the idea popped into my head.

Mr. Canuck works along my route to work. He leaves before me every morning around 6:30 to get to work for 7, so I thought, hey I’d get a drive with him this morning. Get the bus from his work and that will save me a half hour.

Oh, it saved me time all right… way too much time.

Within five minutes of reaching the stop outside his work my second bus showed up and drove me five minutes to downtown.

FIVE MINUTES!!

On a normal morning that drive would take me at least twenty, but I didn’t think that the lack of cars and school buses made that big of a difference.

Apparently it did because here I am… the only one in the office. Had to use my swipe card to get in this morning and was the first one to turn on all the lights. I even had to teach myself how to start up the coffee machine… and now I am waiting… well will be waiting and reviewing for the reason I had to come in early this morning.

At least I got to come home early.

You know… another thing that made me realise that I was really early was that the bus I was one smelt like bleach. I had no idea that they actually cleaned buses. Well, I wanted to believe they did with the amount of traffic that uses them but I have never been on an early bus before so I had no idea that they actually bleached everything. Now you know!

Anyways that’s my story of the day. Now, I’ll just be an awkward penguin and waddle my way out.

Until next time – toodles! 🙂

Unemployment & Taking Chances

Hello World Out There World!

Today I’m going to talk to you about something that I’ve spoken about before. As some of you know I recently moved from Northern Ontario to Southwestern Ontario. In this move I had to leave a job I enjoyed, friends I made, and family I loved. I do not regret the move. I love living in Southwestern Ontario. I love how friendly it is, how close I am to my father, and how warm it is.

What I don’t miss is this unemployment thing…

Being unemployed has been more stressful than being employed. Working for me helps preoccupy my time, helps me pay for things I wouldn’t be able to without a job, and helps me socialize. I have filled my time with volunteering for Pride, will be volunteering for the amazing ARTS Projects soon, and have been mentoring writers.

Volunteering is great. I love the social aspects and how it helps me get to know this new community I’ve grown to love over the last couple of months, but it doesn’t help with the fact money runs our world and sadly I can’t live off of air alone. The money isn’t even the biggest problem though.

Stress… unemployment stress is kicking my creative butt.

I want to be able to work and come home to write. That is how my writing works and I know some of you have noticed it. I have had the decrease in blog posts since being unemployed. I have had a decrease in working on my book series since being unemployed. All that has consumed my thoughts aren’t creative ideas but the need to work.

Since moving to my new city I have applied to over 300 jobs. Last month alone I applied for 68. I have had helped from my employment counselor who still doesn’t understand why I haven’t gotten a job yet. She’s helped by contacting employers with my resume. I’ve gotten one or two interviews but no follow ups… and when I contact them they all give me the same reply, “You are over qualified for this position” or “You are under qualified for this position”.

There is no winning… they won’t hire me because they think because I’m over qualified I will grow tired of the job. They won’t hire me because they think I will get too overwhelmed by the position and aren’t willing to train. Employers aren’t willing to take chances anymore. They want people that fit perfectly… which eventually may happen but when a job is reposted four times where I applied to them four time and have gotten an interview, but “I’m too qualified”, maybe – just maybe – my reapplying those four times for that position shows that I am interested in the job. That maybe the fact I’ve reapplied means I want to work for that company, that I’m driven, that I don’t get discouraged easily, and that I’m wanting to be part of that team.

The other excuse I hear from employers is my skill base is all over the place.

Don’t you want a diverse employee? Don’t you want someone that can contribute a variety of knowledge/ experience to your team?

Yes, I have computer skills. Yes, I have digital editing experience. Yes, I have food industry experience. Yes, I have educational (teaching, tutoring) experience. Yes, I have a willingness to learn and better myself in a variety of backgrounds that interest me and in turn benefit any company willing to take a chance on me.

You want someone with medical knowledge? I have my medical terminology.

You need a people person, who is patient and respectful under stress? I was Dean Listed for my BEd and got over 90% on both placements. I also ran a tutoring company for a short time and volunteer my time to help people discover the love of art. I also have volunteered with children programs since being 11 years old and have empathy.

You want someone with friendly and professional customer service? I worked as a sales intern that covered reception for a shipping corporation for a summer. Or, maybe you want more phone experience. Does a call center count? ‘Cause I have that experience also.

Do you need someone creative, that knows social media, that loves talking with people and teaching people what she knows? I’m your girl. Hello! I wrote, published, marketed, and maintain the social accounts for my book series. All self-taught might I add.

The over 1000 jobs I’ve applied for since graduation are just for laughs. I applied to those jobs because I knew I could contribute and knew I would find some aspect I’d enjoy. You won’t find someone more willing to take a chance to work for any employer and you won’t find someone more willing to become educated in what that employer needs than me. I love to learn. I love to work. I just wish someone would give me the bloody chance to prove it to them.

Procrastination & Distractions

I sit on this kitchen chair at my makeshift desk that seconds as my kitchen table in front of the second hand computer that is more powerful than any other piece of technology I’ve ever owned. My feet are falling asleep inclined on another chair as my headset is sitting on my head. Part of me wonders why I have my headset on my head… I’m not listening to anything but I guess it is more out of habit than anything else.

I take a deep breath, stare at this large screen and glance apathetically up on the three tabs open on my internet bar. One is this post. The other two open to files that are being edited by my editor. There is a sinking feeling in my stomach… one I get when I know I should be doing something productive but instead everything inside me is telling me to do the opposite.

Facebook could have an update. Your friends could be talking about Pokemon Go and you could be missing out. Come on, that one major part of your childhood – the first thing that taught you how to be a fan. I contemplate for a moment knowing all too well I have little self restraint and open another tab to my Facebook a moment later.

Hitting refresh three times in a row, doesn’t cause any major changes. I have friends who got the game and are somehow gym leaders now, while others are cursing their cellphones for not having enough space with all their selfies and food pics. I just sigh, close the tab and go back to staring at this blog.

Maybe some music would help? It has been a while since I used YouTube for music and not to watch idiots film themselves setting themselves on fire or complain about how hard life is as they drink their 10 dollar coffee while typing away on their 600 dollar phones. Yes, life is hard but we could be working in the fields fighting to survive like our ancestors. Sometimes I think like would be better that way. It would force responsibility. It would force purpose instead of wasting all hours of a day staring at a screen that we plug in next to us while we sleep and play games while we use the loo.

No, I’m not British. Yes, I use a lot of weird slang and for those who don’t know slang is short for Short Language. Mind blowing isn’t it. It blew my mind at least.

Anyways, while I continue to procrastinate the thought of having to do something productive hasn’t disappeared. The tabs at the top of the pages flicker like boats in the night drawing my eye to them every couple of minutes. They are starting to become annoying like Navi from the Legend of Zelda.

“Hey, listen!”

But I digress… if I continue to ignore them I will continue to be distracted and it will be a never ending circle. I should do some editing. That is the right thing to do but my phone just buzzed telling me a friend replied to a comment I made on one of their pictures and my drive is lost.

Maybe I’ll edit after I reply back…

Nightmares of Editing

It has to be done but I’m dreading it.General Atmosphere - 2014 SXSW Music, Film + Interactive Festival

Editing.

Ugh… editing.

No, matter how much I love writing there are parts of it that irk me. I’ve done the easy part of writing the damn thing but now I have to go back to make necessary changes. This could be sentence structure, story flow, grammar, punctuation… and if you read my blog posts – which I tell you right now I don’t really edit – I need help in all of those listed.

Sometimes it’s funny when I re-read a section of my book and know exactly how my mood was.

“Ah, yes… chapter 5 and 6 must have been the days I got a proper amount of sleep. 7 to 10… was I writing drunk… I really need to stop that…”

So… yeah… necessary changes are necessary for my final written product.

Editing I understand is important. I was the kid in school told to edit my work all the time and didn’t… which could have meant a grade upgrade from a B average to a A average… but I know kids don’t listen to their teachers. I’ve been a teacher and you can go blue in the face trying to get a kid to listen to you but if they choose not to… well good luck. I would like to call that Karma by the way.

Now, with my focus at the moment on creative writing and self-publishing my work I have to pay attention to the process I dreaded all my life. Editing could change an okay book into a best-seller. Editing shows you’ve put time and effort into making sure your book reads well and flows well for your readers.

It took me 10 years but I appreciate editing even though I still hate it.

I honestly can’t believe this will be the second book I’ve written in less than a year that has entered this process. I actually can’t believe I’m willing to put myself through this torment for a second time…

Editing is pain people. It will all pay off in the end. When I am holding book two in my hands I will forget all the re-writing and re-reading that needed to be done to hold the final product. I’m also excited to think what you all think of the second book…

In truth – and I may be bias – I think the second book is better written and has more action. The characters are developed better and I think there is more suspense compared to book one… actually I know there is more suspense than book one. Liora is going to kick butt this book and gain new friends along her adventure.

Anywho, I have to go back to the dungeon of editing before I can send it off to be reviewed by my editor. Yes, I pre-edit my stuff… if I’m comfortable to send it to him that means it is close to being comfortable enough to get published.

That’s all for now.

Toodles. 🙂

 

Today Marks My 700th Resume

To all of you who have been following me since the beginning you know I’ve been struggling to find work. This is one reason I haven’t been able to work on the blog or even my book writing at the moment. You know for me stress = lack of writing mood for me.

I know I’m lucky, blessed, whatever for the situation I’m living in right now. I’m in a good position with a partner who supports us and works hard doing so. I’m thankful that it is so easy for him to find work being in the tech field.

Still that doesn’t change the fact that I am not so lucky with employment. I’ve struggled finding work all my life and why would it change now. The point I’m trying to make is I do not have to work but I want/ love working.

I love the social aspect working gives me. I love the challenges work forces me to face and most of all I like the money I get. I’m sure I’m not alone on the last one.

This is why I’m so fracking frustrated with how messed up the world is right now. It isn’t that my generation isn’t wanting to work… it is the fact that we can’t find work. Or, at least are having a terribly frustrating time trying to find work…

Many of my friends and myself are educated. We are more educated than the generation before us, with more debt, and no opportunity. We were told to go to school, get a degree, and get a job. Most of us followed those instructions, racked up debt we will never be able to pay back, only to be told that we expect too much and we should be thankful our parents are willing to put up with us living in their house. I know I’m lucky… I’m one of few that aren’t sleeping on my father’s couch… but can we please admit there is a youth employment issue in this country – nah – this world?

If you don’t believe that then here’s my graduate unemployment adventure:

January 2015 I posted on my cooking blog (COOKING CANADA) that I had reached 400 resumes.

I had graduated university with a BA (English) and BEd, was on the Dean’s List, took a Medical Terminology course, was trained in Mental Health First Aid, safeTalk, and IPad/Apple products in a teaching setting, along with a crop load of other things at the ready to break into the working world. I had working experience with being a Digital Photo Lab Technician, Sales Intern, and Tutor (paid and volunteer). I had my years of volunteering with youth clubs, the Student Ambassadors (a university based group), and volunteering with camps in my home town. I even mentioned my volunteer service reward for getting over 500 hours of community service and volunteering with the town since the age of 11. My resume was checked by professionals, double-checked by hr experts, and triple-checked by working professionals that hired people for a living. My resume was changed, shaped, and polished for each job I applied for. I was bright eyed and bushy tailed. I was excited to be free of the education institution and thrilled to be becoming an official working member of adulthood.

Yet, I got nothing.

Nothing from the school boards (public, catholic, and private) I applied to. Nothing from the organizations I applied to and the tutoring organizations either. Nothing. Notta. Zilch.

It was when I applied for my 200th job application that I decided to try my own thing.

I started a tutoring business that didn’t go anywhere. I had one student who’s grade point average went from a D to B+… but that was it. I knew at that point I needed something… anything.

I applied for a position with a call centre… not my first call centre I applied to… and to my surprise they called me for an interview. I started working for them after impressing them in the interview. Went through training and made some good friends but none of it prepared me for the phones.

Lack of experience, lack of support, and the ‘interesting’ customers I had on the phones drove me to panic attacks and becoming physically sick during my shifts. When everyone else was getting old ladies I was getting the angry person blaming me for the service they forgot to pay for. People at the centre knew I had a bad customer by the sound of my ‘teaching voice’, where I apparently became zen and used my hands a lot. I even surprised my team lead when he hooked up to my phone during one of my calls. He complimented me on my professionalism after the call and told me he would have lost it if he was the one answering.

Unfortunately I take my work personally and my health took the hit so I had to go. Even if that meant I wouldn’t have a job in the end and I had to deal with the stress of resume making again.

Yes, I said stress because there is.

If you write resumes every day as unique as the jobs you’re applying to and no one calls you back it’s stressful. You start hearing that voice in your head saying that ‘you aren’t worth the time’, ‘you’re a failure’, ‘you aren’t good enough’, ‘what’s the point of applying, they aren’t going to hire you’. Those thoughts make it hard to keep motivated. They wear you down and when you write about 199 resumes only to get no reply even with the call centre experience on that page showing you’ve got something after school… you begin to believe those voices.

It was at this point I went to an employment councillor who helped confirm it wasn’t me. She felt terrible that she couldn’t find me work. Every week we would sit in her office and fire off resumes/ cover letters to job posts. Every week I could see her getting disheartened that no one was giving me a chance. Her answer was: I was over qualified and too accomplished for my age. She also believed I came across as intimidating in job interviews because I hold myself in a more mature manner than others my age, which surprises people.

I never thought any of those were a bad things. My parents pushed me to strive in my schooling, get involved in my community, and be dedicated to my work. They taught me manners and to respect others. When the heck did those values become a bad thing?

Any ways, after a while she and I decided that a placement was the way to go. That’s how I ended up with my last job. I liked the office work and the people. I loved the small family business feel and how close it was to where I lived. Eating lunch on the steps and looking out at the highway was the highlight of my day. I even spent my lunches working on my first book on the picnic table in the hot summer sun or sitting in my car watching the planes take off from the airport.

The work was repetitive and it took time to learn the processes but I felt appreciated there. I worked there for eight months before we had to relocate to London for Mr. Canuck’s work. I was happy to be moving closer to my father but at the same time I wasn’t looking forward to trying to find work again. I had finally found my place of work that checked so many boxes but I was forced to leave it.

Now, here I am… three months living in London, Ontario with one job interview that led nowhere and zero prospects. I’ve reached 700 resumes as of today and will probably write 700 more before hearing from someone. In the mean time I will have to try and force myself to write… force myself not to feel guilty for taking a break from job hunting to try and enjoy life. I love southern Ontario. I love living closer to family. I just hate having to be back looking for work… again.

I just have to ‘keep trucking’ as my father would say and hope that someone is willing to give me a chance.

Technology Is My Frenemy

hatetechIn my day-to-day life I rely on technology for a lot of things. It lets me communicate with you through my blog, my readers through other social media sites, allows me to research anything I want with a click of a mouse, and even permits me to post my book online for free on various sites. I can also write my book through different applications on my desktop, listen to an old British man read it back to me through another app, easily find things I need in book one by simply using ctrl+f. What would have taken me hours to do with pen, paper, and textbooks now takes me minutes.

Technology is amazing but technology is also terrible.

With all the productive time I do spend with my laptop I also spend being unproductive.
When I sit down and I’m set on writing something I think about researching a topic for the scene and Poof I’ve wasted six hours watching cat videos on YouTube. I want to find inspiration for a stairwell on Google Images and poof I’ve wasted four hours looking at DIY projects I will never actually do on Pinterest.

Don’t get me wrong, these applications have their uses. I listen to music on Youtube to set the mood of a scene. I find fun quotes or pictures for me to post on my blog through Pinterest. It is just – maybe – I don’t have any self-control when it comes to using technology…

But – again – using technology is faster than using hatelovethe old methods. It’s convenient to use a computer than a book, to use a keyboard instead of a pen. We have been taught that convenience is always better. The fast way is the best way… and in truth this way does work for me besides the hours I waste on useless activities. I think faster than I can write by hand… but I now can type faster than I can think sometimes. I can easily organize my story, copy/ paste ideas I want to use into other files or keep deleted pieces from my work encase I want to use them again in the future. I can create folders with pictures that inspire me to write or relate to my book.

So, as much as I hate technology I also love it… technology is a frenemy.

UPDATE: So close I can taste it!!

Oh my god! First draft of book two is almost complete. I don’t think I am able to handle how amazing that feels. Although I’m freaking out on the inside I know I have to keep reminding myself to Keep Calm It’s Only The First Draft.

It is helpful to remind myself that I can still edit and change everything… that I didn’t type my draft in stone… but it still makes my perfectionist inside me scream whenever I have to force myself to “leave this to fix in the second revision”. XD

I don’t want a second revision! Drafts are fun! Editing is terrible… editing drives me up the wall! You can’t make me edit – nope. Not going to happen!

That is a lot of exclamation marks… and yes – unfortunately as much as I hate editing it will be done because the world knows I need to do it. Just let me have my moment of hating the world and now let us move on.

Onward we go.

All right, so this is where I’m at right now in the first draft of book two:

fristsecondalmostdone.jpg

What I had planned was about 80,000 words for the book. Meaning I only have 30,000 words left and that is just awesome! I can see the end approaching with each word I type. My characters are slowly winding down and all the chaos has concluded. Man, it will be great when it is actually done. I may actually take a break.

Phsssh – like I’d take a break.

That’s what I said when I finished book one’s first draft and when I finished editing book one… and when I published book one…

I just keep lying to myself… what will I learn that breaks just don’t exist in my reality…

Okay, so asides from that I have been thinking long and hard on if I want to change the name of the second book. My original plan was to keep with the Child of the ________ theme I started with, but my mind has been coming up with other names that would – in my mind – work so much better with the story I’m telling. Sure, there is going to be a Child of the Water in book two – the series follows the discovery of all Six children of prophecy – but there is more to it than just the child…

I don’t know. What do you think?

Also, I’m looking for ideas on what I can post in regards to the books/ series. Anything you want to know about the world, characters, cultures – let me know in the comments before and I’ll look at creating posts focusing around those. 🙂

 

Okay, I believe I’ve typed enough for now. Everyone have a wonderful and safe weekend.

Toodles,

Deanna

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 23 – Letter

Write A Letter To Someone, Anyone

Dear Readers,

I know I haven’t been updating you on book 2 – Child of the Water – but life takes over, forcing us to focus our attention on other things. At the moment I’m still working away on chapter 15. I’m planning each chapter the best I can and I’ll try to keep you more informed of what’s going on. That, though, isn’t why I’m writing this letter to you.

As I mentioned before I like covering complicated/ big issues in my stories. The first book focused around a girl displaced by conflict who has to leave her home and learn to adapt in a new environment. You listen to her conflicting thoughts of her wanting to be back home but the inability to go back. You experience the racism those of her new home place on her because she’s different. You learn about one of the bigger issues: Them vs. Us.

These are all problems we are seeing today in the media. We have people being displaced by conflicts, forced to leave their homes to go to other countries to seek safety for themselves and their families. You hear about the fear the media is feeding about people and we listen assuming that everyone is a threat – which the majority of the time isn’t the case. We have children and families having to adapt to places that aren’t familiar and be reminded every time they want to go back that they can’t because their home is not home any more… that there is nothing left for them. We listen to politicians debate about mental health – using Them vs Us again; as if those suffering from mental health issues are in a separate group within society and therefore should be treated as such. That isn’t the case as mental health touches everyone’s life somehow – just like conflict, abuse, abandonment, othering… and so on. We may not all suffer the same degree as someone else, but we have all experienced something that would categorize us together under the all consuming title: THEM.

Why don’t we stop using the word THEM and THEY? Why don’t we look at people as what they really are – people. Every country has their issues. Every country has their threats. Every person has their secrets. Every person has their scars. It is not just one people behind these problems, but a mixture of people and issues bottled together that create these problems. It is the conflict, the hatred, the othering, and a much longer list of things that created what our world is dealing with today. We are as guilty for what is happening in the world as everyone else… but we aren’t told that. We are told it’s their problems. Their issues. Their fault.

Last time I checked we were all homo sapiens and we were all living on earth… so where is this their, them, they coming from? Yes, there are those that follow a different religion. Yes, there are people that may have different traditions, languages, cultures, opinions, appearance, sexual preferences, genders, experiences than you or I. But, I hate to break it to you – there are over 7 billion people in the world – there is bound to be diversity.

All right… let’s calm this rant down a little since I’m sounding like I’m becoming hostile.

*Breathes in. Breathes out.*

I know I’m just one person ranting about the world. This letter wasn’t supposed to go this way, but one thing about writing… you can plan it but that doesn’t mean that’s how it will end up. This is a passionate topic for me as I find it important that everyone has the right to be safe in their home. I think its important that children get an education and live in a loving community where they can be themselves and not have to worry about insults or harsh comments, or even physical violence because of who they are, what they wear, or what they believe.

I’m just one person… but even one person can make a difference if they use what they have in a good way. Like Uncle Ben from Spiderman would say, “With great power comes great responsibility.” I may not be able to climb walls or shoot webs but I do have the ability to write and that can be just as powerful. I wrote Child of the Light the way I did in hopes of creating a conversation among the younger generations. I wrote the book in hopes it would get people thinking about the connections between Liora, Caldor, and other characters to those being treated as Others in society.

I know this letter is deeper than most of my writing… but I hope this letter helped open your eyes or consider looking more into what is happening in the world. I also hope that if you have an opinion or share a common opinion that you won’t hesitate to share it in the comments below.

Now I must part as I have some LGBTQIA sub-Reddits to explore and a character to develop.

Toodles for now,

DMWiltshire

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑